Dance with Me
by Swordy Rides Again
Summary: Oneshot. A little New Year's tale, told from Dee's POV. The prequel to 'Christmas Cards' I forgot to repost it on my new account!.


**Author's note – I just realised I never re-posted this. Well I have now- Swordy**

**Warnings: Original timeline, sap, mild language**

**Dance with Me**

He's just arrived. I've been watching the door all evening and every time it swings back and forth on its hinges I've been disappointed. Until now. His jacket is draped over one arm as he stands for a moment looking back and forth. My heart lurches in the hope that it's me he's looking for. I watch as he sees someone and waves, leaving his spot at the door and disappearing behind a crowd of people. Ryo; a vision of masculine loveliness; my partner and the man that has my heart snared in a net that I'll never be free of as long as there is blood in my veins and breath in my lungs.

It's New Year's Eve and the precinct have paid for this shindig at a local hotel. Rose reportedly knows the owners and got the room at a good rate so let's not get too excited that our esteemed commissioner has finally started to value his workers. They've laid on food, and entertainment in the form of a DJ who keeps making crude policemen jokes in between records. Something tells me he won't be getting booked for a repeat performance.

I'm sat with the guys and I know they're watching me. Drake's already commented that my head's in danger of coming loose, I've swivelled around so many times. I laughed it off but it didn't make me stop. They all know how I feel about Ryo; I've never made any secret of my feelings and they've suffered along with me when I've endured Ryo's rejections and general obliviousness to the strength of my attraction to him. They often make fun of me but that's just something else I'm prepared to endure if Ryo would give me what I want.

I catch a glimpse of him, talking to a couple of the guys from the Vice Squad. Ryo has that way about him; everyone knows him and likes him. He nods and smiles as they make conversation. Every so often he cocks his head to one side and runs a hand through his wavy dark blond locks. I've noticed he does that a lot. At one time, I thought it was something he did with just me so naturally I convinced myself that this was Ryo's way of flirting. But since I noticed he does it with everyone, I've told myself that he's not being flirtatious. No way. Uh huh.

If I were to run through all the little mannerisms and idiosyncrasies I've noticed about Ryo, I'd probably be locked up for being a stalker or something. I can't help it. Have you ever sat and watched a moth around a light? How they keep flying into it, head butting it as if they'd never get tired of it. Well that's me and Ryo. He's my light and no matter how many times someone laughs and says 'what the hell are you doing? Are you insane?', I'll keep coming back. I'll never think I'm superior to moths ever again. They're not stupid; they're just determined.

I've agonised long and hard about what it is that makes Ryo 'the one'. Being bisexual, I have more choice than the average straight person or homosexual. 'The one' could be male or female, and believe me, I've experienced my fair share of both in my quest to find my ideal partner. Ryo just… well, he just _is_. I know it as much as I know that Tuesday follows Monday and night follows day.

I look up again and Ryo's moved on. As my eyes search the room for him, I realise too late that JJ has seen me and is making his way over. Damn, JJ. He's been around forever. It's hard to believe he's _still_ chasing me – the man's had more rejections than Saddam Hussain looking for a job in US government. At least I can be proud that I've never succumbed to his relentless pursuit; even when I was young, free and horny in my academy days. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted. He was offering it on a plate and he's not a bad looking guy by any means. I just didn't want to give him any false hope; any misconceptions that there might be an '_us' _sometime in the future.

It's occurred to me that the same thing might be happening with me and Ryo. Maybe he's keeping me at arm's length because he doesn't want me to think that one day we'll be choosing curtains together or anything. It's a depressing thought and one that I try not to have too often if I can help it.

JJ sits down beside me. "Hey Dee, having a good time?" he says with a grin. I suspect he's had too much punch already.

"Yeah," I reply, hoping that if I don't make eye contact with him he'll take the hint and go. I still can't see Ryo anywhere.

"Ryo's here," he announces and I destroy my plan to get rid of him by turning round to face him. "I thought he'd have come straight over."

He said that deliberately to get at me; to attack my insecurities that Ryo doesn't want me that way. As usual though, I fall for it and immediately go on the defensive. "We're not joined at the hip or anything," I mutter, downing the rest of my beer and standing to go and get another. If I'm to make it through tonight then I damn well won't do it sober.

"I think he's talking to Rose," JJ calls as I depart and I'm glad I'm far enough away so that I'm not tempted to hit him. I try to remind myself that he does things like that because he's jealous of Ryo and would give anything to be in his shoes, with me wanting him so badly, but it still bugs the hell out of me. Ted is at the bar, talking and laughing with Sarah who works on the desk downstairs. Sarah is blonde and has big breasts; two of the things Ted says he is looking for in his perfect woman. I took her out on a date once, long before Ryo came on the scene. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice girl, but I secretly suspect she once took part in a brain-swap with a particularly unintelligent German Shepherd.

Ted grins stupidly as I approach. Another one who's been at the punch by the looks of things. "Hey Dee, d'you know that Ryo's here?"

What is it with everyone tonight? Why do they think it's so crucial that I know Ryo's whereabouts?

"I know, I saw him before," I say calmly, waving my empty glass in indication to the barman that I want a refill and _soon_.

"Is that the one he's got the crush on?" dog-brained Sarah says covertly to Ted, only she clearly hasn't mastered the art of whispering.

"Uh, yeah," Ted says dubiously, recognising despite his drunkenness that he's in danger of getting his teeth smashed in. "D'you wanna go and dance?"

Ted takes Sarah dancing before she can land him in any more shit with me. A wise move, since my mood has stepped up (or should that be down?) a gear to the platform clearly marked 'fractious'. With my fresh beer, I turn and study the people on the dance floor, laughing and joking and generally having a good time. Once upon a time that would have been me; before I became too weighed down with the burden of loving someone who will never love me back.

The outlook hasn't always been so bleak. There was the time when I nearly died after I was shot in the leg and very nearly blown up. The shock of that was nothing compared to how I felt when Ryo flung himself at me, eyes filled with tears as he told me how frightened he'd been at the thought of losing me. Sure, friends would naturally say that, but he _kissed_ me. Surely that says something? There have been other incidents too, but nothing seems to have jolted whatever that spark is between us into some form of relationship.

I suddenly catch a glimpse of Ryo. It's like I have this sixth sense that helps me locate him whenever he's around. He's on the dance floor with some of the women from the juvenile division, laughing as they take it in turns to be his dance partner. He spins one, then salsas with another; never breaking his rhythm. Watching him is like being cut with a knife. Yeah, I know that sounds melodramatic, but can you imagine how much it hurts to see him having such a good time without me? _I_ want to be the one in his arms. I take my drink and go.

I had high hopes for New Year twelve months ago. I really thought it was going to happen. At Christmas, I'd arranged to spend Christmas Eve with Ryo but work got in the way and wrecked my plans. Then things changed again and Ryo ended up finishing his shift early. When I eventually got to his place, taking with me a bottle of wine and a miniature Christmas tree, I thought he'd probably be mad at me for showing up so late. Instead, I found him in tears. For a moment I thought I'd done something really wrong until he assured me that his tears were shed in happiness that I'd come, ending the loneliness that he felt more acutely on this particular day of the year. I felt so close to him at that moment, I was certain that our relationship was about to encounter its first growth spurt.

And yet here we are, twelve months on, several kisses better off but with no tangible progress in forming 'Dee and Ryo; partners and lovers'. Idly, I wonder what Ryo really thinks of me. He says I'm funny and sweet, but is funny and sweet enough? I've never minded being liked for my jokey personality; I always figured that I'd be a little like Columbo, using my less than serious exterior to mask my brains of steel. The less than serious exterior I got; the steely brains are taking a little longer to perfect, but that's another matter entirely. What matters is that Ryo doesn't take me seriously.

Midnight is approaching and the tempo on the dance floor melts into a smooth blend of songs designed for lovers. Nicotine, my demanding mistress, takes me out of the function room for a cigarette Yeah, I could smoke in there but I figure the fresh air might do me good. In a break between songs, the DJ announces that the new year is only fifteen minutes away. I wonder if now's the time to make myself some resolutions. The most obvious one, besides quitting smoking, is to give up on Ryo; to move on and accept him just as a friend. I look down at the cigarette between my fingers. I've smoked twenty a day since I was fifteen and yet I still think giving up would be easier than letting Ryo go.

The slow songs are still playing as I lean on the balcony that overlooks the hotel gardens. They're lit up by spotlights but I'm not interested in them really. It's just a better view than watching Ryo in there, preparing to see in the new year without a thought for my pain. And so I come to a decision – I'm going to tell Ryo that I intend to stop hassling him, that I'm content for us just to be friends. It's certainly not my favourite new year's resolution but they're supposed to be a challenge, aren't they?

"There you are."

I spin around to find Ryo watching me from the doorway, his hand resting gently on his hip. He's smiling. _Damn, _I wish he wouldn't smile like that.

"Uh, yeah," I reply. "Just fancied some air."

He steps out of the building and comes towards me. "I swear the Gods are against us," he says, still smiling. "Every time I've tried to come and talk to you, someone either drags me dancing or you disappear."

I smile back, as best as I can when my face feels frozen with dejection. "Ain't that the worst?" I say lamely, psyching myself up to tell what I've decided.

"We need to talk."

That was a surprise. I was just about to say the exact same thing but Ryo got there first. We seem to do that a lot. He frowns as he sees my amusement. "What?"

"I was going to say that," I explain. "But you first."

Ryo nods before he comes to stand next to me. He studies the gardens down below for a moment before he turns to face me. I know when he's done talking that I'm gonna have to step back to say my bit or I'll never be able to go through with it. This close is torture. I just want to kiss him. The breeze ruffles his hair, sending strands across his eyes. It takes every ounce of my willpower not to reach up and brush them aside. Fortunately, he spares me the agony and does it himself.

"I've been doing some thinking… about you, and me. And, well, I've come to a decision, call it a new year's resolution if you will." He pauses and gives me a nervous smile. "I like you, Dee… a lot, and I've realised that… that I have feelings for you. Strong feelings that I just can't ignore anymore. Don't ask me why it's taken me so long to figure all this out but I just woke up one morning and realised that I needed to tell you, before it was too late. I'd be a fool to think you'd wait around forever."

He laughs and I do too. For a brief moment, the merriment offsets the erratic tempo of my heart as it hammers in my chest, threatening to explode.

"I've never done this before, with a man I mean… and well, I don't think I can be as confident about it as you. I'm scared, Dee." His expression confirms his anxiety but he forces a smile. "I love you, Dee but I'm frightened that I'll hurt you when I find it hard to tell people there's an 'us'. I know it shouldn't be any different to having a straight relationship and I know I shouldn't care what people think but… I'd be lying if I said that I'd be happy with everyone knowing about us… at least at the beginning. So I guess what I'm saying is, I want to give it a try, but I'll understand if you feel that I'm imposing demands or conditions on you or anything."

I'm stunned. Completely and utterly stunned. I'd take anything Ryo offered me, I love him so much. Over the two years I've been trying to woo him, I've come to realise that not everyone wants to shout their sexuality from the rooftops. Don't get me wrong, I ain't gay pride or anything, but I see no need to keep quiet about it and I'll admit, sometimes I use it to get a rise out of people. Meeting Ryo has made me understand that some people find it a real struggle to admit who they are; to themselves as well as other people. I'll take it as slow as he wants. Ryo takes my thoughtful silence as indecision.

"Is that a no?"

I blink owlishly a couple of times. "Are you kidding me?" I say, unable to stop the grin that breaks onto my face and threatens to split me in two. "Ryo, I feel like I've won the lottery… twice!"

He laughs, looking relieved. Silence ensues as our laughter dies away. My first instinct is to attack him with kisses, but then I wouldn't have listened to what he's said, would I?

"So what do we do now?" I say, figuring I'll let him make the first move; the first step in our fledgling relationship.

He looks at me and cocks his head to one side. _That_ was definitely flirtatious.

"Dance with me?"

I smile and nod. We come together and start to move to the music still filtering out from the party. Suddenly the slushy songs don't seem so irritating any more. Ryo rests his head on my shoulder as his arms wrap around my body. His hair smells of coconut. I decide I like the smell of coconut. Some people are watching us but it doesn't matter. At this moment, we may as well be the only two people on the planet. Unfortunately the song draws to a close as our over-excitable DJ friend starts the countdown to the new year. With our arms still around each other, we join in, wishing each other a happy new year when we reach zero. I'm taken completely unawares when Ryo suddenly leans in and kisses me gently on the lips. I respond chastely, determined to prove to him that I am sensitive to his feelings. He seems to sense this, and smiles.

I smile back. I have a feeling that this year is going to be my year – correction – _our_ year.

End.


End file.
